Monday, December 29, 2008

Last Man Standing

I know, I know it's been so long since I posted last that I couldn't remember my password. It's not that I didn't have anything to post about, it's just that I've been lazy. But here I am sitting in bed, cold, not want to get out, and playing with my new laptop. So now I have no excuse not to blog.

It has been exactly one year and 11 days since that fateful day where I went under the knife, and am now cursed to run like a horse for the rest of my existance. How did this all happen? Well, that is what I am about to tell you.

Sadly, of all the stories I've accumulated over the years, and all the injuries I've inflicted upon myself, this story has the worst consequence for the least amount of stupidity.

The BYUH library has blessed me with knowledge, friendship, and the ability to access Facebook. It was there I met one of my good friends, Mikey. We would sit next to each other and "do homework" or try our best to distract one another from getting anything remotely productive done. There, I would tell Mikey of all my adventures and injuries. I would read him stories from my "black book" where I would record all of the best ones. He decided one day he wanted to be apart of my history and make it into the infamous Black Book.

Little did he know that he would be apart of the biggest injury of my life...

It was the day after Thanksgiving 2007, and a beautiful beach day. So beautiful in fact, I went to 4 different beaches, and for the first time in the history of our friendship, Mikey and I spent time together OUTSIDE of the library. It was a memorable day of it's own without incident filled with Waimea and Matsumoto's. The waves that day were HUGE, but that didn't stop us enjoying the water.

We decided to make one final stop before we headed home. What better place than Sunset beach at sunset? We took pictures (the ones you see above) and played a few rounds of "take it like a man" where you jump into a big wave and avoid getting smashed. We were tired and happy and ready to go home.

We got our stuff and I made one final trip to the water to rinse off the sand. This is where I made my fatal mistake. There is a vital rule one must always follow when dealing with such powerful elements. Never turn your back to the ocean.

I was finished rinsing and I turned to go back to the car where right in front of me were some tourists taking pictures of the sunset. I stopped and waited for them to finish as I felt my feet sink deeper and deeper into the sand due to the receding water. Just as I was about to step forward and...BOOM...I was hit with a thousand pounds of water, a wall moving so fast, I had no time to even know what was going on. All I felt was my feet go over my head, my body twist and turn involunatrily, and my knee cap move in a way it was not meant to be moved. The ocean spit me out like a bad taste and all I could do was lay there helplessly waiting for my limbs to function properly. The pain in my knee was unbareable but familiar. This was the fourth time it's been dislocated.

I have an irrational fear of hospitals which is kind of ironic since I spent 3 years working in one. It took me a day and a half to make it to the Emergancy Room. One month later, I was on a table having parts of me discarded like last nights left-overs. Needless to say, Mikey got his story in the black book, and one year later, I'm still reckless as ever with only a small gallup in my step. Even with pot holes in my knee cartilage and a grinding bone, I will still do my best to be the last man standing.

Sunday, October 26, 2008

Personalized Never Tasted So Good

It's funny how my moods change so frequently. Well, that's not really true. My foundational mood is actually pretty consistent. The only aspect where my emotions take a roller coaster ride is in the relationship area. Some days I couldn't be happier that I'm single and free to do whatever I want, and in a matter of minutes that could all change to despair that there's no one in this world that I feel a deep emotional connection with. Someone who I can't live without and they can't live without me. There are definitely people who love me and care about me but I am also not the center of anyone's universe. When I get in these moods, I just kind of feel like a radical electron trying to find something to attach to in order to make me stable.

I was on the computer one night right after my roommate had gotten off. She was on craigslist for some reason or another and I was in one of my funky moods. I glanced at the site, and the personals caught my eye. I had never been interested in looking at personals before but something possessed me. I couldn't help myself and before I knew it I was past the WARNING THIS SITE MAY CONTAIN ADULT CONTENT page and looking for my soul mate as easily as I would a used car or old bike.

Okay Okay I wasn't seriously looking but I thought it would be interesting. I read things like:

Will You Marry Me?

This is the plan. You and no kids your own place are not fat or ugly. You and i get married, i move in pay half of rent and you get military benefits. Please respond with picture. I am 5'9 athletic funny and nice. I am not attracted to big girls or "curvy girls" aka fattys. I am just looking to make more money for the last two year i am out here. It has to be semi real as people would ask a bunch of questions and it would have to be semi real.
Any Unhappily Married Women?
I am in the same boat. Unhappily married male here. Would love to email, learn more about you...please keep things discreet. Would prefer an asian woman. Oh, I'm a white guy.
So after reading a dozen or so of these ads, I was so happy I would never be this desperate. These people can't be serious. REALLY?! Do they really think anyone would be interested? So I confessed my actions to my roommate and she too was curious of all the crazies on craigslist. All of a sudden ideas started to fly and before you could say WHAT ARE YOU DOING? we started writing me a personal ad. Our excuse was that I had never done it before and so it got on the "25" list.
She really is the more creative one and the better writer so I let her take complete control. We ended with something like:

Spicy Mocha Wants a Double Latte - This woman don't need no straw -25 (Kona)

I am a spunky, sultry young woman generally seeking a muscular, tan, dancing man with an affection for road trips and puppies. Preferably with freckles. I want to name one of my future children Funky-Dory, if you have a problem with this, don't respond. I'm also a libertarian and I
enjoy streaking on the 3rd Sunday of every month.

I thought I might get maybe two or three responses but not many more than that. Boy, was I wrong. I guess libertarians do a lot of craigslist dating since they all came out of the woodwork. I'm up to 35 responses...not all of which are men, and they're still coming after posting over two weeks ago.
I wish I knew how to copy pictures on here because that was the best part of the responses. Oh wow, now I know why these people are turning to craigslist. Some of the responses I GOT were:

aloha, you're everything I could have imagined desiring from checking out this website...odd thing is, though I'm athletic, romantic, open minded, easy to look at, responsible, fun, young at heart, and a libertarian, I'm also twice your age...Doesn't bother me...your attractive and I dig your smile

(In his picture he's wearing a purple feathered eye mask and a grass skirt...easy to look at huh?)


Hello, What's up? I found your post amusing and pictures attractive. Even the one were you're trying to be a dork. At least I hope you were trying. If not sorry ill remove foot from mouth now. Before I go to far let me introduce my self. My name is ...I enjoy road trips and think Funky Dory is a great name. My middle name is sunstorm and my sister's name is abalone star. I have plenty of freckles. I love to dance and streaking is always fun but I only do it on days ending in the letter "Y"

This is one of the more normal ones.

okay I'll give you one more taste:
I found out the other day that the ratio of women to men in kona is very lopsided in favor of the men. I then realized why every time I find a woman I'm interested in, she's taken. Therefore I'm on craigslist. I'd like to get to know you and see if we have some mutual interests. I'm 40, have lived in Kona for almost 2 years. I'm a nurse and going to school to further my nursing education.

Some of the responses left me completely speechless. What the...? How the...? Is that....? NO WAY! hmmmm...Hopefully some of these were jokes just like mine was, but I'm getting the strange feeling that most were serious. It was interesting to see how many were also pretty normal...or the 3 sentences they sent baring their soul and complete personality seemed normal. I guess I do belong on craigslist. I'm not excluded from all the crazies out there. Heck, I really am just as eccentric as the other craigslist posters, so maybe my soulmate is on there after all...Too bad I'm not going to find him using that method.

Friday, October 17, 2008

Quarter of a Century

It was a day like any other really, the only plans were to watch conference and maybe have dinner and dessert later that evening. That's not usually how life changing days start, but generally life's not that usual. The only difference about this day than any other was it was my birthday, and not just any birthday but my 25th birthday.
Everyone always has their own milestone birthdays, mine have been something like...age 8...baptism...age 12...start of teenagedom...16 freedom to drive...18 ability to vote...and 21 the full rights to adulthood. Then those milestones start to wane and it doesn't seem like there are any until you start reaching your decades...30, 40, 50, etc...Well there is a hidden milestone tucked right in the middle that is often forgotten. The age 25. Exactly a quarter of a century old. Now I don't really know why it has much significance but it should be some cause of celebration.

I was eating breakfast at a friends house when discussion of my birthday came up. All birthdays should be celebrated of course but this was something special. In order to make it special we decided I needed to do 25 things I've never done before. We started small. I ate bacon with knives (used like chopsticks), arm wrestled an Ecuadorian and won (I cheated...but it was my birthday.), so on and so forth...but these trivial matters just didn't seem good enough to commemorate my 25th birthday. I needed ideas. 300 text messages later, I had a huge list of ideas from everyone I knew...I would have to say the two most common were...Get Married...and...STREAK. Well, getting married would be rather difficult since there wasn't even a rumor of a boy who might like me, let alone a marriage proposal. So that left me with streaking. Everyone who mentioned it only said it as a joke because I'm rather conservative and won't even wear a bikini, but little did they know I have a soft spot for challenges...if you can even call it a soft's more like an appetite that can never be satisfied.

It would have been fitting to either do this particular activity first to head the list of things to be done, or last as a crowning event, but I wasn't smart enough to plan it through and it got tossed somewhere in the middle. As I started my quest to do these 25 things, streaking was always in the back of my mind. It was a silly notion at first, a joke not to be taken seriously, but as I gave it more thought, it was something no one expected me to do and therefore it couldn't be left undone.

I mentioned it jokingly to my roommate, and quite excitedly said she would do it with me. Strangely, I was only half surprised at her enthusiasm, and I guess the other half kind of expected her to do just that. We made the plans and proceeded on with our night as if there was nothing to it. We were watching a movie and the time had come to do our obscure deed. I looked at her and ask if she was ready. She gave me a confused look, and I watched the realization take place on her face. She panicked slightly and thought about the journey we were about to embark. She ran outside, checked the weather and the traffic. The weather was warm and the streets were abandoned as they should be in a little town at 2 am. She came back and simply said "give me a minute" as she ran into her room. I raced into mine and stripped down. I grabbed my robed as a basic covering. She came out in a thin sarong wrapped tightly around her. We were quite certain that no one would see us, but there was still that fear. If we were going to do this, we couldn't be recognized. I own a helmet with a huge Afro wig on top, with that and sunglasses, no one could even tell what nationality I was. My roommate scrounged up an old hat and we both had sunglasses that covered half our face. We felt anonymous, safe.

We grabbed our skateboards and headed down the street. We chose carefully, one that had no traffic of any sort. The closest one also happened to be the one all of the faculty at BYUH lived on...perfect. We came to the beginning of the street, looked at each other, and with no more words exchanged, we took off our simple coverings and started our journey. I felt the smooth road under my bare feet and the cool wind around my bare body. I couldn't help but giggle at the reality of what we were doing. It was liberating and exciting. I felt free in my nudity. We approached the end of the street and in the last few feet we covered quickly, still on our skateboards, still on the abandoned street. WE DID IT! One full block completely exposed! We headed home. We were tempted once again to feel that cool breeze on this new street, but that quickly vanished as we saw a car door open and a young man, slowly meandering toward his house. We passed him, and what a strange pair we must have looked. We got home and couldn't contain our laughter from what we had accomplished and also from what we avoided.
It was an adventure that night. Definitely not the first, and by no means will it be the last...