Sunday, October 26, 2008

Personalized Never Tasted So Good

It's funny how my moods change so frequently. Well, that's not really true. My foundational mood is actually pretty consistent. The only aspect where my emotions take a roller coaster ride is in the relationship area. Some days I couldn't be happier that I'm single and free to do whatever I want, and in a matter of minutes that could all change to despair that there's no one in this world that I feel a deep emotional connection with. Someone who I can't live without and they can't live without me. There are definitely people who love me and care about me but I am also not the center of anyone's universe. When I get in these moods, I just kind of feel like a radical electron trying to find something to attach to in order to make me stable.

I was on the computer one night right after my roommate had gotten off. She was on craigslist for some reason or another and I was in one of my funky moods. I glanced at the site, and the personals caught my eye. I had never been interested in looking at personals before but something possessed me. I couldn't help myself and before I knew it I was past the WARNING THIS SITE MAY CONTAIN ADULT CONTENT page and looking for my soul mate as easily as I would a used car or old bike.

Okay Okay I wasn't seriously looking but I thought it would be interesting. I read things like:

Will You Marry Me?

This is the plan. You and no kids your own place are not fat or ugly. You and i get married, i move in pay half of rent and you get military benefits. Please respond with picture. I am 5'9 athletic funny and nice. I am not attracted to big girls or "curvy girls" aka fattys. I am just looking to make more money for the last two year i am out here. It has to be semi real as people would ask a bunch of questions and it would have to be semi real.
or
Any Unhappily Married Women?
I am in the same boat. Unhappily married male here. Would love to email, learn more about you...please keep things discreet. Would prefer an asian woman. Oh, I'm a white guy.
So after reading a dozen or so of these ads, I was so happy I would never be this desperate. These people can't be serious. REALLY?! Do they really think anyone would be interested? So I confessed my actions to my roommate and she too was curious of all the crazies on craigslist. All of a sudden ideas started to fly and before you could say WHAT ARE YOU DOING? we started writing me a personal ad. Our excuse was that I had never done it before and so it got on the "25" list.
She really is the more creative one and the better writer so I let her take complete control. We ended with something like:

Spicy Mocha Wants a Double Latte - This woman don't need no straw -25 (Kona)

I am a spunky, sultry young woman generally seeking a muscular, tan, dancing man with an affection for road trips and puppies. Preferably with freckles. I want to name one of my future children Funky-Dory, if you have a problem with this, don't respond. I'm also a libertarian and I
enjoy streaking on the 3rd Sunday of every month.


I thought I might get maybe two or three responses but not many more than that. Boy, was I wrong. I guess libertarians do a lot of craigslist dating since they all came out of the woodwork. I'm up to 35 responses...not all of which are men, and they're still coming after posting over two weeks ago.
I wish I knew how to copy pictures on here because that was the best part of the responses. Oh wow, now I know why these people are turning to craigslist. Some of the responses I GOT were:

aloha mai...wow, you're everything I could have imagined desiring from checking out this website...odd thing is, though I'm athletic, romantic, open minded, easy to look at, responsible, fun, young at heart, and a libertarian, I'm also twice your age...Doesn't bother me...your attractive and I dig your smile

(In his picture he's wearing a purple feathered eye mask and a grass skirt...easy to look at huh?)

or

Hello, What's up? I found your post amusing and pictures attractive. Even the one were you're trying to be a dork. At least I hope you were trying. If not sorry ill remove foot from mouth now. Before I go to far let me introduce my self. My name is ...I enjoy road trips and think Funky Dory is a great name. My middle name is sunstorm and my sister's name is abalone star. I have plenty of freckles. I love to dance and streaking is always fun but I only do it on days ending in the letter "Y"

This is one of the more normal ones.

okay I'll give you one more taste:
I found out the other day that the ratio of women to men in kona is very lopsided in favor of the men. I then realized why every time I find a woman I'm interested in, she's taken. Therefore I'm on craigslist. I'd like to get to know you and see if we have some mutual interests. I'm 40, have lived in Kona for almost 2 years. I'm a nurse and going to school to further my nursing education.

Some of the responses left me completely speechless. What the...? How the...? Is that....? NO WAY! hmmmm...Hopefully some of these were jokes just like mine was, but I'm getting the strange feeling that most were serious. It was interesting to see how many were also pretty normal...or the 3 sentences they sent baring their soul and complete personality seemed normal. I guess I do belong on craigslist. I'm not excluded from all the crazies out there. Heck, I really am just as eccentric as the other craigslist posters, so maybe my soulmate is on there after all...Too bad I'm not going to find him using that method.

8 comments:

Mariko said...

PICTURES! POST THEIR PICTURES!

Unknown said...

Internet is really fun but can be scary. Be carful when you're having fun. Call in your convenience. Take good care and love ya lots. mom

Tasha said...

Now, I know why you were too busy to call me on my birthday! On a serious note, like mom said, be careful with those online personals ok. I hope you had a good weekend!

Barb said...

that just cracks me up! & look at your hawaiian-hotness, no wonder you got so many responses!

emily said...

it makes me so happy you did this. i have always wanted to experiment like that--- a good social experiment. you make me laugh!

Shimmyshimmy said...

tailee strikes again. i shouldn't have given you the 25 things idea...you are totally showing me up, girl. stop it.

Robbie said...

Oh wow. I can't believe those were real, either! Your personal ad was pretty awesome, though. glad you have a blog to record your hilarious stories on!
And I know how you feel when you're in those sad moods about not having someone. I was in those moods many times just about until I was 25. You never know when he's gonna come along. He's gonna be great (not like those guys who've responded to your ad!).

Ashleigh said...

HILARIOUS :)